PostSecret

Even though this postcard is the one that spoke the loudest to me this week, I nearly didn't share it. The postal strip covering up part of the words annoys me greatly. But then I realized that this one resonates with me so much that I can fill in that last part with my own secret.

I joked recently that I would go out with the next guy that bought me flowers, but if the truth be told I would take a book over flowers any day. The gift of a book makes me feel so much more than loved. It lets me know that this person knows of my love for books, thinks that I am intelligent enough to enjoy reading, and that they took the time to pick out something special just for me. If they get me a book that I love without having to ask me what book I want*, then it's about 100 times more special to me. It means they are really paying attention to who I am.



* - Asking me if I already own the book they are planning to purchase for me is not the same as asking me what book I'd like them to buy. It's always a good idea to check if I own something before buying it since I own quite a few books. :)



PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

My Personal Love Language Profile

Not sure if this is me or not. I think it makes me sound really clingy. Hope I'm not really like that. At least not in a bad way.

Love Language Scores:
2 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
8 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

Quality Time
In Quality Time, nothing says "I love you" like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.


If you're curious, you can take it here.

Happy Blogoversary, Fly Away Home!

I almost missed it. But thanks to a comment from Teena In Toronto (THANKS TEENA!), I didn't. YaY!

There haven't been a lot of posts in the last 5 years, but every one of them has come from my heart. Or my warped sense of humor. Or both. :D

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by over the years. Watching my visitor counter & number of comments go up has been a thrill. Especially the comments. I don't have a lot to say, but it's nice to know that someone is reading it.

Thanks again, everyone!!!

A Little More Poetry....

sweetest surrender

with a slow smile and shining blue eyes
you start to let down your guard
with a shy blush and fluttering lashes
your armour begins to crack
with a sweet word and innocent guile
i slip past all your best defenses
with a nervous giggle and soft sigh
your heart becomes mine alone
with a breathless whisper of your name
you willingly surrender yourself to me


by,
clp
11/17/2010 – 10:04pm

Books, Books, Books......

Stolen from Kwizgiver who boosted from Bev.

Hardcover or paperback, and why?
I have to choose?! Usually it’s paperback because it’s cheaper & that’s important when your book addiction is as bad as mine. Although for some authors I can’t wait until the paperback comes out so I’ll get on the waiting list at the library hoping to hold out until it’s my turn before I surrender & pop for the hardcover. I usually don’t make it. Thanks to my fabulous birthday gift from my loving brother, these days it’s mostly e-books. I still have to buy a book every now & then though. Did I mention that I’m addicted to them?


My favorite quote from a book is...
"The world will give you that once in a while, a brief time-out; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life." From THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES by Sue Monk Kidd


The author (alive or dead) I would love to have lunch with would be...
I’m going to cheat & answer this twice. Dead would probably be Jane Austen. Alive would have to be Laurell K. Hamilton. Although I’m sure I would make quite a fool out of myself or sit there nervously & never utter a word.


The smell of an old book reminds me of...
happiness & contentment.


If I could be the lead character in a book, it would be...
probably Anita Blake from Laurell K. Hamilton’s vampire series. She’s gorgeous & kicks some major ass.


The most overestimated book of all time is...
THE SCARLET LETTER. I hope this book is no longer required reading & if it is I’m glad I don’t have kids in the school system.


I hate it when a book...
has an ending that not only isn’t plausible, but has nothing really to do with the rest of the story.

Thank You Doesn't Seem Like Enough

*Stolen from my friend, Kwizgiver, because she has all the coolest stuff*

D-Blog Day

So today is D-Blog day. That would be Diabetes Blog Day for all of you non-pancreatic-challenged people out there. I've been thinking off & on this afternoon about what I wanted to say when I finally got a chance to blog.

I didn't know where to start so I waddled (yes, I waddle even in cyberspace) on over to a blog called Six Until Me written by Kerri Sparling. I've only recently discovered Kerri's blog. Heck, I just found out that there is a whole online community out there full of diabetics. I've begun reading several blogs written by diabetics, but Kerri's is the one that time after time keeps resonating with me.

Her post today was no different. It struck such a chord with me that I'm not even going to attempt to put into words what I am feeling. I'm just going to tell you to here & read for yourself. I certainly couldn't have said it any better.

Thanks for being such a great voice for diabetics, Kerri!

Hmmm.. Another poem...

simply be

be my alpha & omega
be my knight & knave
be my start & finish
be my master & slave

be my partner & adversary
be my lover & friend
be my distraction & focus
be my begining & end

be my reflection & counterpart
be my future & past
be my delight & vexation
be my first & last

be my obsession & caring
be my nearby & faraway
be my passion & calm
be my night & day

be my man & plaything
simply be my everything


by,

clp
11/2/2010
9:38 pm

A Little Poetry....

Songs of Siren Sisters

Siren Sisters sing sweetly
Songs of love, desire, & need
Drawing men ever nearer
Eliciting daring & bold deeds

Siren Sisters whisper wantonly
Songs of longing, compulsion, & fire
Requiring tribute & sacrifice
Spurring men to climb higher

Siren Sisters breathe brazenly
Songs of devotion, frenzy, & passion
Inciting ringing cries of fealty
Nearing the point of obsession

Siren Sisters sigh serenely
Songs of joy, bliss, & rapture
Knowing nothing but loyalty
From the hearts & souls they capture

by

clp
11/01/2010
9:28 pm

Holy Diabetic Coma, Batman!!!

Whataburger is now offering a Chocolate Brownie Pie. (Mmmmmm, chocolate) (Mmmmmm, pie)


I know. Win - win, right? Yeah, not so much if you're diabetic. :P

I bought one anyway. It wasn't bad. I actually prefer the chocolate turnover at Arby's. Now that was some chocolatey goodness. (Mmmmmm, chocolate)

Okay, now I should probably go take another shot of insulin. :P

Not Getting Back Up Is Never An Option

Cleggy shared this video with me this morning. Thanks, Cleggy!!!

These words were the first ones I heard today and I have a feeling they will continue to resonate for me in the next few days. Music is a powerful force. It imparts so much more than just the lyrics & the notes. And this song speaks of forward motion.

A New Page?

When the new Barenaked Ladies album came out, I resisted listening to it. Steven Page leaving the band had left me a bit shell-shocked. It never occurred to me that the sound of my favorite band of all time would ever change. Evolve, yes. But not a change like this. How I felt can only be described as grief. Something I loved for years had died.

After months of refusing to listen to "All In Good Time", one night I just gave in and listened. I liked it. It was good to hear Ed, Kevin, Tyler, & Jim again. It was like running into a friend you really loved hanging out with and can't remember why you don't still hang out. Still, something felt vaguely off. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Just a slight niggling at the back of my mind telling me there was something tiny but important missing.

Last night a good friend shared Steven Page's new album "Page One". I decided not to be so stubborn this time so I started listening. About 3 songs in, I started feeling slightly schizophrenic. I was both happy & sad at the same time. As I listened to Steven's songs I realized what was missing.

Not just his voice (which I'm simply crazy about) but also his quirky lyrics & phrasing. Yet as I listened I still had that "something is missing" feeling. I kept expecting the boys (Ed, Kevin, Tyler, & Jim) to join him. And while artistically I loved each song more than the last, emotionally I felt like they all have tricked us or let us down.

I felt the need to stomp my foot & demand that they put the band back together & stop all this nonsense. I felt cheated almost. And yet, my foot wouldn't be still & I was humming along.

I might need therapy. :P

Diabetes Meme

What type of diabetes do you have: Type 1

When were you diagnosed: June, 15, 1991

What's your current blood sugar: No clue & not really sure I want to know. *sigh* Tested & I was right, I didn't want to know. 212. These numbers are making me so crazy lately.

What kind of meter do you use: Ascensia Countour by Bayer which I've had for several years & I'm itching for a new one. Alas, my insurance doesn't cover the cost of the meter. Just the strips.

How many times a day do you test your blood sugar: 1-2, which is not nearly enough.

What's a "high" number for you: Anything over 250.

What's do you consider "low": Anything under 80.

What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater: Lime Tic Tacs if I'm just a little low. Anything below 60 requires juice. I don't swallow very well at that point so it has to be liquid because chewing & swallowing isn't going to happen.

Describe your dream endo: I actually don't have an Endo. *hears a collective gasp* I know, I know. My GP is a great guy & an even better doctor. He manages everything quite well.

What's your biggest diabetes achievement: Surviving? I don't really know, to be honest.

What's your biggest diabetes-related fear: After having my gall bladder removed in 2006 & having an open wound for 7 months, it is most definitely another surgery. I heal slower than snails on quaaludes.

Who's on your support team: My family & friends. My GP & his staff, my Gastroenterologist & his staff, and my Hemotologist & his staff. (Now do you see why I don't want another specialist?)

Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime: Depends on what day you ask me. Most days, yes I do believe they will get there. But some days, when the numbers on my meter are over 250 or over 300, I'm pretty sure I won't live long enough to see it.

What is a "cure" to you: No more shots, testing, A1C's, slow healing, lows that leave me unable to speak, highs that leave me with blinding headaches, struggling to pay for all the medicines that are necessary just to live, and no more watching my family & friends worry that this will be the year that my kidneys/heart/eyes start to fail.

The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is: When they assume I have Type 2 instead of Type 1 because of my weight. And of course then they proceed to tell me that if I just lose some weight the diabetes would go away. Which would be surprising news for my doctor.

What is the most common misconception about diabetes: People are either one extreme or the other. They either think diabetes is no worse than the common cold or they think you are at death's door. There's a whole lot of middle ground in there people!

If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: "Get back to work, you lazy bastard!!!"

five & ten, do it again...

I’ve been tagged back. Is that even legal in this state?! Who knows?

Just in case you’ve forgotten, here’s da rules…

(1) Turn on your MP3 player/iPod.
(2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode.
(3) Write down the first TEN songs that come up--song title and artist--NO editing/cheating, please (even if letting the world know you listen to crap like "Weekend in New England" will humiliate you).
(4) Choose FIVE people to be tagged. It is generally considered to be in good taste to tag the person who tagged you, since there should be new songs appearing with Shuffle every time.

1. “Year 3000” by the Jonas Brothers
2. “Hello, Goodbye” by the GLEE cast
3. “Talk Tonight” by Oasis
4. “Matters” by The Maxfield Rabbit
5. "A Design For Life” by Manic Street Preachers
6. "Call My Name” by Charlotte Church
7. "Jersey Girl” by the Bacon Brothers
8. "Symphony” by Kathleen Wilhoite
9. "Romeo & Jane” by Tonio K
10. "Shower Your Love On Me” by Kula Shaker
11. "So Close” by Jeannette McCurdy
12. "Michael Brennan” by the Barenaked Ladies
13. "I Hate The Homecoming Queen” by Emily Osment
14. "Tremble For My Beloved” by Collective Soul
15. "Je Suis le Meme” by Garou
16. “Venus In Overdrive” by Rick Springfield
17. “Cry Me A River” by Glen Hansard
18. “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know” by Famous Last Words
19 “Liar, Liar” by Alexz Johnson
20. “Angel Eyes” by The Jeff Healey Band

And just because it will irk Cleggy that I did more than him…

21. “Potential Breakup Song” by Aly & AJ
22. “The Origin of Love” from the Hedwig & The Angry Inch soundtrack
23. “Somehow” by Drake Bell
24. “Lick” by Joi
25. “She’s Probably With Him” by The Andersons

I will be skipping #4 in an attempt to avoid getting tagged back again. Just until I check on the legality of it. Wouldn’t want to get arrested or anything like that. :P

five & ten

Instructions...
(1) Turn on your MP3 player/iPod.
(2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode.
(3) Write down the first TEN songs that come up--song title and artist--NO editing/cheating, please (even if letting the world know you listen to crap "Weekend in New England" will humiliate you).
(4) Choose FIVE people to be tagged. It is generally considered to be in good taste to tag the person who tagged you, since there should be new songs appearing with Shuffle every time.

1. "Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie
2. "Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney
3. "Rose's Turn" from GLEE
4. "Behind Enemy Lines" by Demi Lovato
5. "Got Me Goin' Crazy" by the Jonas Brothers
6. "I Caught Myself" by Paramore
7. "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" by Darius Rucker
8. "Shout It" by Mitchel Musso
9. "Everybody Knows (But You)" by The Divine Comedy
10. "Fallen For You" by Drake Bell
11. "New Vibration" by Collective Soul
12. "Get Back" by The Beatles
13. "Stickes & Stones" by Aly & AJ
14. "Girlfriend" by Marie Digby
15. "All Around the World" by Oasis

Okay, I did more than 10 because I was curious where it was going to go next. I actually had to make myself stop. :P

My five friends:
Kwizgiver
Wendy Darling
Cleggy
Cormac Brown
Margo

Guilty Secret...

Years ago, I signed up & made an avatar on IMVU. We are talking about 2006 which isn't that long after it started. I didn't stay around long. I began to wonder why there were so many guys hitting on a cartoon character with a bobble head & didn't see the point.

Fast foward a couple of years. My sister asks me one day if I've ever heard of IMVU. So I pull out the scary cartoon avi and go hang out with my sister online. Things have changed. A lot. I'm the only bobble head in the room. My two default outfits weren't going to cut it.

Since then I've signed on when I could & enjoyed spending time with my sister. Makes the distance between us feel a lot less than it really is. I also get to talk to some nice people from time to time. Even made a few friends.

Recently, I haven't been able to update my IMVU for the last few months. It keeps telling me that my download failed. I wouldn't really mind much, but all the pictures for my inventory are blank. It's like getting dressed in the damn dark. Or like playing outfit roulette. Yeah it's all fun & games until you end up wearing some freaky club hair a clueless guy gave you, a fairy princess gown, & the default IMVU sneakers.

Next thing you know the fashion police are busting down the door to your default IMVU penthouse with the cheap Japanese water fountain & bridge and they've entered you into the Outfit Challenge. You're 594th out of 535 entries. I'm still in therapy. I might sue.

I should probably take some time away from IMVU. Like maybe starting right now since it’s nearly midnight & I have to work tomorrow. :P

Grief Is Funny

Funny weird, not funny ha ha. Trust me, I'm not laughing. It's been a rough couple of months.

On Tuesday, 5/18 my parents dog passed away peacefully in his sleep. He would have been 14 on June 1st. He was a border collie with quite a personality.

In the summer of 1996, I was living with my parents. Not exactly cool at the age of 28, but necessary. It had been 5 years since getting diagnosed with diabetes and we still hadn't made any headway towards getting it under control. So living alone wasn't an option. Not to mention having Type 1 Diabetes without insurance made money pretty tight.

My parents came home from running errands one Saturday afternoon in July, demanding that I close my eyes & hold out my hands. So I did. When I opened my eyes & looked into my hands, I was greeted by the second sweetest face I'd ever seen. The first sweetest belonging to my puppy girl, Sasha. There sat little Zander. Well technically it was Alexander Sebastian, but I thought that name was just too big for him so I called him Zander. What a great little guy he was. With a personality as big as his name.

Within a few days of bringing him home, my parents went on a two-week vacation to visit my Pop's family in Maryland. That left big sister babysitting. And let me tell you it was not an easy task.

Zander wouldn't sleep through the night. After several nights in a row of neither of us getting any sleep, I called the vet in a panic. He told me to try putting a radio near Zander's sleeping crate. Not a lot of success with that one. I think Zander objected to the type of music I made him listen too. Either that or he just hated DJ's because he literally reached through the crate & knocked the radio over.

After the vet stopped laughing, he suggested I get one of those wind-up alarm clocks that tick. I didn't even know these things still existed, but a trip to Walmart provided proof. Best of all, Zander slept through the night for the first time the very day I bought it. Well almost. He did manage to wake both of us up at about 4am by managing to turn on the alarm. A situation not repeated after I took a screwdriver to the alarm mechanism.

The alarm clock became his new favorite toy. He carried it around by the handle or scooted in along the floor for hours every day. It went nearly everywhere he did. Unless of course I was carrying him, in which case he paid the alarm clock no attention at all. My Mom still claims that his paws didn't hit the floor when I was home until he got too big for me to carry. I think she exaggerates. To prove her claim, she will tell you stories of a slightly larger Zander following me around the house & whining because I wouldn't pick him up. I say that I never carried him unless it was entirely necessary. I mean seriously, I let him walk on his own a lot. Mostly when I wasn't home, but that counts.

During this period there were a few more calls to the vet, though thankfully not in panic. Zander had started climbing up on my head & trying to prove his dominance in our little pack. And thanks to our not knowing to have his duclaw removed, he was starting to hurt me. After yet another laughing fit, the vet told me I'd have to show Zander that I was packleader. Um, okay.

It's easier than it sounds though. All I had to do was turn him on his back & growl in his face until he stopped struggling. The trick was to do it without laughing. Once I managed that it would last a month or so & then I'd have to do it again. Once he passed his puppy stage I could stop. Although he stopped climbing on my head, he never stopped thinking I was his litter mate. I truly didn't mind and it had it's upside.

Zander was a great companion. Too smart for his own good, but a sweet little guy. My favorite part was how he'd "talk" to me whenever I got home from work or just being away from the house. And after my parents moved in 2004, he even "talked" to me on the phone too. Being a good sister, I always talked back to him. Trust me, this amused our neighbors to no end. They must have thought I was more than a little nuts. Here is this border collie doing this sort of howling & yipping thing and a human answering him back. Probably grounds for being committed I'm sure.

After my parents moved to Maryland in August 2004, Zander was my Mommy's constant & almost only companion. My Pops drives a truck for a living & he can be gone for long stretches of time. So it was just Zander & Mommy a lot. Needless to say his death has hit her very hard. So in addition to my own grief, I worry about the depth of her pain & loneliness. Recently, they've gotten another dog but to be honest I'm not sure it's helping her. Kind of a long story there that is best told at another time.

There's more to my own story of grief, but that too is best told in another post. Right now I've got to find some tissues, again. My best advice right now is to not take any of your loved ones for granted, including the four-legged ones. And give them a little extra love from me. I've got plenty to spare at the moment. :(

PostSecret

The secrets that jumped out at me this week...

I don't bathe in the dark since without my glasses I can't see a thing, but I do avoid looking in mirrors at all costs.

These two are the front & back of the same secret.

I often feel like there are dozens of different stories inside me just begging to see the light of day. I alternate between feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of them and bewildered at my lack of how to get them out. The fear makes it impossible for me to get any of those words out and I'm quite positive that my brain contains a finite amount of space that will eventually fill up to the point of exploding. It's a race to see which one drives me crazy first.

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

PostSecret

Just a few secrets that jumped out at me. They won't officially post until tomorrow, so be sure to check it out. :)

I really do love to cook and I don't do it often enough. Especially with someone special. And with the right someone, it is an incredible turn on.

I'm glad to say that I've gotten flowers more than once in my life and I've never not appreciated them. Each time it is always a delight and never fails to touch me no matter what the occasion. I LOVE getting flowers. :)

Like my friend (and very talented singer), Eric Dodge says, "Never Make Love Wait." A great song and even better advice. None of us knows just how long we have on the Earth and we shouldn't put off saying what we need to say. Love out loud. Always. You can never say, "I Love You" too often. :)

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

PostSecret

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.