Saturday, September 30, 2006

Somewhere, Anywhere...

I close the door quietly behind me and walk out into the darkness. The cool night air goosebumps my overheated skin and I’m glad I grabbed my jacket on my way through the hall. I slip into my car, pausing to drink in the silent closeness of the night. I turn the key, roll down all the windows, and ease out onto the street.

I’m struck by the emptiness around me but resist the urge to check the time. This isn’t about watching the clock. This is about feeling free for just a little while. It’s about breathing some fresh air for a change.

My car moves swiftly out onto the highway and accelerates of its own accord. There’s no destination chosen just a need to be away. I’ve got the clothes on my back and a credit card. That should get me somewhere, anywhere. Just away from here.

I think about leaving and never going back. Disappearing would be so easy and they would only miss me for a while. Eventually, their memories of me would fade and their lives would go on. They’d be happier without me.

I concentrate on the dark strip of asphalt ahead of me. My headlights are the only source of light for miles. Not another living soul for miles and the car feels like it’s flying. I turn off the headlights and soar.

The wind whips the hair away from my face and carries my laughter up into the hills. My heart finally lifts and I inhale the feeling like it’s air. Breathing in excitement and breathing out fear. Racing into the night as fast as my car will go.

I can finally feel blood pounding into every part of my body. All my senses alive and awake, drinking in as many sensations as they can. I sigh with pleasure and reach down to turn the headlights back on.

My car is still safely between the lines on the highway but that doesn’t take away from the thrill. The air around me still feels electric. My heart is still racing. My whole body is tingling as I slow and leave the highway behind.

I retrace my still deserted path, slowly pull into the driveway, and get out of the car. I walk in from the darkness and close the door quietly behind me. I leave my jacket in the hall and move towards the bedroom. Slowly I remove all my clothes and the cool sheets goosebump my overheated skin as I crawl into bed. I slip into your arms and drink in the silent closeness of your body. Sighing, I ease into sleep.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I Never Dreamed...

that I would climb over the moon in ecstasy,
But nevertheless it's there that I'm shortly about to be
'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with the golden ticket it's a golden day.

No, I'm not going to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Where I'm going will be much more fun and far less fattening. :)

Cleggy & I are going to visit Laslo & Queen B. I simply CANNOT wait. After the last three & half months, I am ready for some fun. And this long weekend promises to be as much fun as I can handle. There are going to be lots of movies, some good food, and if that wasn't enough dear Cleggy is making me travel CD's for the trip from his house to theirs. Of course the usual rules apply. He makes them and I keep them. There's several of them so if we're a little late getting there, Laslo & Queen B, don't worry. We're probably riding around the block a couple hundred times so I can finish listening. :P

So I'm leaving Thursday and I'll be gone until Monday. No misbehaving while I'm gone. Save that until I get back and can participate. :P

Saturday, September 16, 2006

New Poetry Saturday - Part 3......

Who knew this would become a weekly thing after all?! Except next week when I will be out of town. :P

The usual disclaimers apply......


she’s a good mommy
loves you very much
play in the yard
where mommy can see you
but the evil thing
crept up and snatched you
mommy can’t be everywhere
now her heart breaks
her tears fall until you’re home
the evil thing goes free
but so do you
you’re safely home
never to feel safe again
the nightmares come
mommy buys your first nightlight
the yard gets fenced
and you see a new friend
twice a week
in an office filled with toys
you learn to play jacks
and to trust a few people
but the nightmares stay
there’s talk of you going away
so you become the perfect child
you don’t cry
you don’t misbehave
you take care of yourself
and do everything you can
to never draw attention to yourself
if they can’t see you
then they can’t hurt you
the nightmares are the same
you’re so painfully shy
saving that radiant smile
only for a few friends
lonely little wallflower
if you’re very quiet
maybe they won’t notice you
won’t make fun and tease
and the evil thing won’t find you
but the nightmares never go away

Saturday, September 09, 2006

New Poetry Saturday - Part 2......

I really had not planned on making this a weekly thing. I don't write poems that often. I also figured what few readers I have would get bored and wander off if I kept posting my weak version of poetry. But here we are again and I wrote another poem last night.

This one needs a bit of a disclaimer. This poem is in no way about me or anyone that I know. Please do not start emailing or calling me in panic. Life has been rough the last few months, but I'm too genetically happy for it to get me this far down.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Sometimes I have no idea where my poems come from. They just hit me and I feel compelled to write them down.

So without further ado......


sad tears on the window sill
with an empty view to nowhere
lonely words in a worn diary
pages covered with salty stains
dreams hidden between the covers
never to see the light of day
no one she could talk to
without a shoulder to lean on
she wasn’t missed for five days
by then it was far too late
all that’s left is an investigation
and scattered clues to find
officers fill a flowered room
that she’s only been in alone
no fingerprints but her own
the doors locked from inside
only one conclusion to be drawn
the suspect list is too short
blame can be firmly placed
it’s clear what happened here
she was stalked by melancholy
and violently killed by loneliness

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Tagged back....

My friend, Wes, doesn't usually tag people, but I think this might be payback for the last time I tagged him. :P

So here is my list of things you don't know about me. Not as easy as you might think.

1. I was afraid of needles up until I was diagnosed with diabetes 15 years ago. Now I not only give myself a shot twice a day, but I've even helped nurses take my blood and put an IV into my arm.

2. I failed my driving test the first time I took it. I borrowed a friend's station wagon to take it and I hit the back cone during parallel parking. I took it again and passed it two days later. That day was Friday, June 13th. :)

3. LadyBug is my nickname in real life. My Mom gave it to me the day I was born and it stuck. Many years later, Cleggy added the Princess part when he wrote me my very own fairytale.

4. Since I was a small child I've been very picky about my food. When I put food on my plate, I don't like for it to touch. And most of the time I will eat it one thing at a time.

5. I wrote my first poem before the age of 10. It was about Halloween and I wrote it to amuse my little brother.

6. My favorite number is 6 and has been since I was a child. No idea why. Maybe because I was born in June. :P

7. My family is German, but I hate German food. Ugh.

8. My ears are so small that I can't really use regular ear buds. They either fall out or leave my ears very sore.

I'm tagging everyone that reads this and has the time to do their own list. This means you! :P

Saturday, September 02, 2006

New Poetry Saturday....

Okay this probably won't become a weekly thing. I just happened to write something today.

This poem was a bit of a tease. I was out and about when the first three stanzas hit me. I almost couldn't get home fast enough to get the words down. Then just as suddenly as the words came, they left. I knew it wasn't finished but I couldn't hear the ending yet. As I got ready to file it away as yet another unfinished poem, the last two stanzas hit me in a rush.

So without further ado, here is my latest creation. I would appreciate any and all comments and criticism. I'll try not to take it personally. :P


no one will ever love you like i can
i would die for you but it looks like i’m alone
you’ll find yourself old, unhappy, and lonely
when you figure it out the chance will be gone

with me you could have had it all
your wishes and dreams come true
we could have made such a happy life
but we won’t and the one to blame is you

i’ve touched all of you, body and soul
with word and hand left you wanting more
showed you heights you’ve never known
and made you feel better than before

after i’m gone you will finally realize
just how good your life with me had been
you’ll always regret letting me get away
sending me off to the new life i’m in

one day it will hit you exactly what you’ve lost
but by then there will be nothing you can do
it will be too late and all that will be left
is the memory that i once loved you