Tuesday, December 27, 2005

My Best Of...

I don't read a lot of blogs, but my favorite ones are linked on the right, especially Cleggy's. After Cleggy mentioned it, I noticed that everyone does seem to have a "Best of 2005" list. Even Cleggy did his version of the same. So I thought I would too, but with a twist.

As Cleggy mentioned in a previous post (In Your Dreams), fortune cookies become something quite humorous when you know the secret of interpretation. So for those of us in the know, here are my favorite fortunes of 2005 in no particular order. (As you can see, I REALLY like Chinese food.)

Someone admires your beauty.

The world is a grand comedy to your sense of humor.

He who has not tasted the bitter does not understand the sweet.

Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.

You have an ability to sense and know a higher truth.

Honesty and integrity are just some of your best attributes.

You will discover a new area of interest.

You have a strong desire for a home and your family interest come first.

Now is a lucky time for you to take a chance.

You will be showered with good luck.

You will make a change for the better.

Your dearest wish will come true.

With a little more hard work, your creativity takes you to great heights.

Explore your own world by working together with your friends.

Your winsome smile will be your sure protection.

A well-directed imagination is the source of great deeds.

A diversity of friends is a credit to your flexible nature.

So there you have it. Hope you all laughed as hard as I did while posting this. And anyone who would like to know the secret of interpretation, leave a comment and I'll share. :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


hair twisted around my finger
i bite my lip
i’m at a loss as to what to say
usually gregarious and loud
i find i’m quite timid
eyes downcast
eyelashes fluttering
i giggle like a schoolgirl
blushing like a child
i wonder who is this woman
suddenly living in my body
will he mistake shyness
for indifference
or just grow bored
and walk away

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Five Things... (Stolen from Cleggy)

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Golden Delicious apples
2. Cinnamon popcorn
3. Slim Jims
4. Bananas
5. Sugar free chocolate covered almonds

5 artists that I know the lyrics of most of their songs:
1. Barenaked Ladies
2. Collective Soul
3. Matchbox 20
4. Maroon 5
5. Robbie Williams

5 things I’d do with $100 million:
1. Pay off the debts of myself, my family, Cleggy & his family, and Margo
2. Move closer to Cleggy
3. Buy Cleggy a home theatre/entertainment room with a really bitchin' stereo system
4. Buy Cleggy a home recording studio (anticipating all the really cool CD's I get out of that deal)
5. Donate money to libraries and many other charities, especially American Diabetes Association

5 locations I’d like to run away to:
1. England
2. Ireland
3. Scotland
4. Italy
5. A vacation cabin anywhere Cleggy & I can get away to

5 things I like doing:
1. Reading
2. Watching movies
3. Listening to music
4. Talking to/spending time with Cleggy & his family
5. Writing

5 things I would never wear:
1. Daisy Dukes
2. Tube top
3. Bikini
4. Micro-mini skirt
5. A piercing anywhere other than my ears

5 TV shows I like:
1. All the CSI shows
2. BritComs
3. House
5. Ghost Whisperer

5 movies I like:
1. A Very Long Engagement
2. Amelie
3. Pride & Prejudice (A&E version with Colin Firth)
4. The Emperor's New Groove
5. The Librarian

5 famous people I’d like to meet:
1. Kevin Smith
2. Andy Partridge
3. George Lucas
4. Barenaked Ladies (it's my list and they count as one person)
5. Alton Brown

5 favorite toys:
1. My computer
2. Books
3. My new CD player (Thanks Cleggy!)
4. Board games (particularly trivia games & Scrabble)
5. Sudoku games

5 People I want to do this:
1. I'll repeat Cleggy's repeat of Jessi's offer: "Whoever's bored, send it to me."

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Sound of Music...

When we started this blogging thing I figured I'd leave the musical posts to Cleggy. He is the expert after all. I am just a very willing student of his musical education.

This blog is a bit of homage. To Cleggy and the wonderful music he's enriched my life with. This is by no means a comprehensive list and they are listed in no particular order.

A very quirky band from Swindon, England. Not long after I met Cleggy this group was in heavy play rotation in his life. He made tapes of three of their albums for me to listen to. Each tape was listened to a couple of times, but eventually were put into a drawer. Over a year ago those tapes came out of the drawer and became the only thing I played in my car. I became so enamored of this group that I bought each of those CD's off of eBay. I even bought their first CD. While that CD doesn't get much play, the other CD's I bought still do.

World Party
Cleggy sent me one of their CD's just to share them with me. I liked them immediately. Flash forward a couple of years. I'm watching what has since become one of my favorite movies, THE MATCHMAKER. As the movie is coming to a close one of mine & Cleggy's favorite songs begins to play, "She's The One". Needless to say I was quite excited.

Kathleen Wilhoite
All I can say is that if you haven't heard her sing then you are missing out. Her songs strike cords (no pun intended) that haven't been struck since Joni Mitchell. It's not just about her voice. It's about the words she sings and how she sings them. So many singers these days put absolutely no emotion into their songs. Their goal is to impress you with their vocal range. Kathleen's goal seems to be making you feel how she's feeling. And believe me when I say she's damn good at it.

Within Temptation
I was no stranger to Goth Rock when Cleggy first introduced me to this group. After one song, I realized that Amy Lee is an amateur and she shouldn't have given up her day job. After one video, it was Amy who?

Minnie Driver
I've been a fan of her acting since I first saw her in CIRCLE OF FRIENDS (insert Cleggy groan here). One of my favorite movies despite Chris O'Donnell's hideous Irish accent. And I've been a fan of her music from the first moment Cleggy sent me to her website.

Emma Shapplin
My idea of ultimate relaxation is listening to Emma while soaking in a hot bubble bath with a good book. Try it and you'll see what I mean.

What can I say? This band rocks in a very serious way.

Popup Boy
This group combines outstanding vocals with a very wicked sense of humor. They make bad sound very good.

Polyphonic Spree
This band is like sunshine mixed with sugar. Perfect for the life soundtrack of a very perky person.

So thank you Cleggy for all the wonderful music you introduce me to!

All I can say is, what's next?! :P

Train of Thought

A pen, a pen, my kingdom for a pen!
So I don’t have a kingdom,
But I still need that pen,
Or a pencil,
Or even a crayon.
And some paper, of any sort.
Give me that
Etch-A-Sketch, kid!

I have this thought,
Just the merest of ideas,
I need to get it down before,
It drifts back into the mist
Of my fuddled brain.

Oh, and just a moment
Of quiet solitude.
No phone,
No demands,
No one.

If I’m quick enough,
I can get this down before
This train of thought derails.
Just one more second......

TOO LATE!!!!!!

This train of thought derailed
And crashed into a mountain.
Details on the evening news,
Film at 11.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Work in Progress......


I drop the quarters in the dryer and hear that satisfying clink as my clothes started to spin. I sit down and am immediately engrossed in my book. Despite the draw of the words in my hands, after a few minutes I get the strange feeling that I’m being watched. I shrug it off and continue reading.

When the feeling won’t go away, I look up and scan the room around me. My eyes move from the young man chasing down a toddler as his very pregnant wife takes clothes from a dryer to the obviously single man staring at the back of a laundry detergent bottle in confusion. Everyone is living their lives and definitely not paying attention to me.

I shake my head and go back to my book. The feeling grows stronger and I look up just in time to see a man in his mid-thirties putting wet clothes in the dryer next to mine. I watch him long enough to see him cast a surreptitious glance in my direction. When he realizes I’ve noticed, he smiles at me shyly.

He walks over and sits one chair away from me. I give him points for respecting my personal space. He smiles again and says, “Do you come here often?” My eyes meet his a moment before we both groan and then laugh.

After we’ve caught our breath, he says, “Let me try that again. Hi, my name is Stephen.” I shake his offered hand and reply with a smile, “I’m Molly. And to answer your question, yes I’m here every week.”

He blushes again and I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a man blush. Men my age just don’t blush. Apparently they are all to cool for that. Or at least they think they are too cool.

“This is my first time here.” Stephen’s voice pulls me out of my not so nice thoughts about men in general. “I just moved into the neighborhood.”

“Oh? Where from?” I ask and the small talk begins. Nothing too heavy and with some light flirting thrown in for interest. I’m tempted to tell him that flirting in a laudromat is passé but realize just in time that I’m really not the type of person that uses the word passé. Besides, he’s cute and I realize that I like it.

A shout of “Hey lady, are you done with this dryer or what?” makes me realize I’ve lost all track of time. I blush and go grab my clothes from their round holding cell.


Did she just blush? Most women my age think they are too sophisticated for that. My pleasure at knowing she’s not like that is only slightly diminished by my lingering embarrassment at inadvertently saying what sounded like a horrible pickup line. I’m amazed she’s still talking to me.

Not that I was trying to pick her up. Was I? No of course not. Just trying to make new friends. Yeah right. You don’t pick your friends because they have gorgeous, long strawberry-blonde hair or laughing blue eyes. Well, you’re not supposed to.

More to come? You tell me if it's worth the effort.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

No Rhyme or Reason...

Yesterday I decided to write a poem to post. So I opened up a blank Word document and typed the words as they came to me. The following is the result.

At first I decided not to post it. Be warned the language is a bit strong in a couple of places. Be assured it is a work of fiction and not a reflection of myself or anyone I know.

Sometimes my poetry is as much a surprise to me as it is to others. Sometimes I'm merely the scribe to an unknown author and their origins a mystery even to me.

Without further ado here is my latest poem......


it’s not love or even lust
he’s just a random fuck
that forgot to leave
when the one night stand ended

you’ve been drifting
from bed to bed
since the very first time

for fun
for yourself
for love
but only finding

the pain never eases
it just slips farther
into the abyss
to take you with it
over the edge
of eternal blackness
soul blinding
love stealing

no one can hear you scream
inside that black hole
you’re digging for yourself
deeper and deeper
with each random lover
faces without names
strangers passing through

the wheel of chance
stops on him
and you convince yourself
this is the real thing
the only thing
but it’s just
the lonely thing

it’s not love or even lust
you’re just a random fuck
that forgot to leave
when the one night stand ended

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I Would Be The Happiest Girl In The World If......

So many things can complete that phrase. Some I can post here and some I can't, but there are many.

Not because there are a lot of things I want. I'm not really very materialistic. If I have enough money to pay all my bills with some left over to visit Cleggy once a month or so, rent a few movies, buy a book every now and then, and put a bit in savings for a trip to England then I'm a very happy princess.

Actually, my family is pretty sure that my happiness is genetic. Some would go so far as to call me perky. I've even been asked if I could tone it down a bit in the mornings by a boss who didn't function until after her third cup of coffee.

Sometimes I get a bit down on myself. Not so much questioning my worth, as questioning my worthiness. People tend to want to protect me or make a fuss over me. Much to the dismay of my stubborn loved ones, I wonder if I am worthy of that much trouble. But I'm never down for long.

I quoted John Lennon earlier and the phrase has stuck with me all day. Nearly a year to the day before I was born, the Beatles recorded the philosophy of my life. "All You Need Is Love"

Truer words were never spoken. Or sung.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

On Blogging...

Well, I sort of got into this blogging thing to get Cleggy blogging. Let's face it. The man is an uber talented writer, as anyone who has read his blog will agree. And he needs to be writing. Heck he needs to be getting paid for writing. The guy reads a ton of blogs so you'd think that talking him into blogging would be easy, right? Not so much.

In true Cleggy style after months of me mentioning it whenever I could work it into the conversation and then finally giving up, he says, "Hey let's start blogging." Cut to me getting up off the floor after fainting. I'm so excited that I immediately sign up. I get into it. I pick out a template & layout. List some links. Cleggy comes up with the name of my blog and I'm all set.

Dagnabit! Now I have to write! If this were a video blog, this is where you'd see me in full panic mode. Thankfully it is not since at that moment I was in my nightgown. Not a pretty site.

Okay, the first blog was easy. Sheer fluff. Short and sweet.

Now here we are over two weeks later and all my good intentions have been shot. I have not blogged every day. No world-stopping revelations revealed. No witty insights or pithy comments.

So why are you still reading this?! Probably because you know and love me. Not an audience to complain about for sure. And why am I still struggling to keep blogging? Probably because I know that without a writing outlet I feel stifled, even smothered.

I might not be good at it, but I need it. If I don't express myself through the written word I feel as if my mind is collapsing in on itself. As if everything that makes me who I am is falling into an internal black hole. Devoured by a vast nothingness where not even the light of ten suns has the power to exist. Let alone shine.

So I started blogging for Cleggy, but I keep blogging for me. Hoping in all of this that one or two thoughts won't get lost in the translation from my alien brain to the electronic pulses that make up the internet. Praying for the moment every writer longs for. The all too brief moment when for an instant another human being reads the words you wrote and truly understands them as you meant them to be. The fleeting connection of mind and soul that makes a writer's heart beat faster and gives them a rush like no other.

That's been the draw for me since I was five and I first put on paper the bedtime stories I made up for my little brother. From the first word I was hooked and it's a habit I have no intention of breaking.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Dirty Laundry...

I went to the laundromat today just like I do about every other Sunday. I go to the same one each time because it's clean and the lady that runs it is very nice. It's just me so I can wash & dry all my clothes in an hour. I always bring a book and pretty much keep to myself. I'm shy and don't usually start conversations with strangers. Not so shy that I won't speak if spoken to, but shy enough that more often than not I don't say a single word while I'm there.

Although I always bring my book, I'm a multi-tasker so I'm people watching while I'm reading. I'm told I have a sweet smile and maybe that's the reason why it never fails that my reading will be interrupted by a tiny hand on my arm, my knee, or even in the middle of my book. Mostly curious toddlers with angelic faces. No conversation needed. Just a shared smile before the toddle off. The bolder ones will peek around the corner at me later or even come back.

Usually their caretaker is not far behind them, but occasionally I never see anyone coming to fetch them back to safety. When I do see a caretaker, they often don't see me as a threat at all even though I am a stranger. It's a frightening thought. I am harmless, but what if I were not? Several times I could have had the unprotesting child into my car and miles away before they would have been missed. And I could have done it without the lure of candy or treats. Okay, maybe the children sense that I'm a good person and that I mean them no harm. But should we be trusting the instincts of a two year old?

My best friend has a nephew who is much older than a toddler, but not quite a pre-teen. We don't often get to go do things alone, but when we do I can honestly tell you that he doesn't leave my sight except to go into the bathroom. He's too old to go into the ladies' room with me, but you can bet my eyes never leave the men's room door until he comes out and I can tell you exactly how long he's been in there. He's not my child, but when we are out together he is in my charge and I would never take that responsibility lightly.

So why are there so many parents out there that just let their kids roam free? And not just laundromats either. I see it in stores and malls. Crowded places just made for stealing or harming someone's child. Do they think that just because everyone is there to do their laundry or to shop that they'll be too busy to harm a child? This isn't the movies. The bad guys don't wear black hats. Creepy music doesn't suddenly play when they enter the scene. And more importantly, Bruce Willis isn't going to suddenly come storming in and save their child BEFORE they are irreparably harmed.

You have to get a license to hunt or fish, but just anyone can have a kid. Even if they aren't prepared, capable, or even willing to keep them safe.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Variation on a Theme...

The drive to Cleggy's flies by and seems to take an eternity at the same time. We haven't seen each other for months and I fight to keep the car from going far faster than the posted limit. But I finally make it and go straight to pick him up from his second job.

I call to let him know I am there and before I can get out of the car, he has the building locked and is crawling into the passenger seat. One look at him and I want to hug him tightly, launch myself into his arms, and smother him with kisses all at once. Cleggy hugs me across the center consol of my car and I breathe the familiar scent of him, taking it in as deep as I can. I often find myself gathering as many sensory perceptions as I can and hoarding them for later when we're not together. For those moments when he feels a million miles away. They help to keep the loneliness at bay.

On the way to his house we stop at his main job so he can secure the place for the long holiday weekend. I sneak in with him because my bladder has just reminded me that it was a long drive with no stops. By the time I'm out, he's all done. As we are walking to the door he stops me. Demanding what he calls a proper hug, he turns me towards him and wraps his arms around me tightly. I sigh and relax deeper into his embrace. That one hug is worth the drive. When his lips meet mine I know that I would have driven much farther.

Reluctantly we separate and head to his house. As always, his family is waiting for us. House ablaze and ready to welcome us. It's as if everyone has been waiting for this very moment to arrive. As if their entire day has been leading up to the moment when we'd walk in. Or maybe it's me that's been longing for this moment.

Even though it has gotten him into trouble, Cleggy's nephew has stayed up past his bedtime to see me. I sternly tell him I'm glad to see him but he must go to bed. Before he walks down the hall to his bedroom, we share the secret smile of co-conspirators. He's my best buddy and he knows that I'd have stayed up past my bedtime to see him too.

It's a nice evening of talking and a bit of television while I try not to act like I'm ready to grab Cleggy and head back to my house. I love his family very much but I have been looking forward to some quiet time with Cleggy for weeks. Time seems to crawl slower than a snail on quaaludes. Finally after lunch we say our goodbyes and get into the car. A quick stop for gas and we are headed back towards my house.

Cleggy's musical odyssey begins and I'm a willing captive. He drives so I'm free to concentrate on the music. And free to give him the excited reactions he hopes for as he plans our travel CD's. As always it's an interesting ride. Cleggy's musical universe is an eclectic one and his sense of humor never fails to make me laugh until I cry or beg for mercy.

The next three days and nights are filled with more music, numerous movies, and copious amounts of sensory perceptions for me to hoard. We visit several bookstores and video stores. Both of us go home with several more things than we left home with. I take him to one of my favorite restaurants and through it all we talk and laugh. A lot.

All too soon Sunday arrives and it's time for me to return him to his family. After all they've only let me borrow him. The drive takes a bit longer than usual because I find the closer to his house we get, the slower I drive. What can I say? I don't want it to end. But reality intrudes and we both have jobs and responsibilities to go back to.

Two things get me by as I plod through my days. I will be spending Christmas with Cleggy and his family. Highlighted by an overnight trip together to see my brother. And best of all Cleggy will be here again on New Year's.

Last year we started a new tradition that I am quite looking forward to this year. More excited that I could ever be about a party or some traditional New Year's activity. All I need is DEAD MAN'S WALK in the DVD player, sparkling grape juice for toasting, and Cleggy beside me as the New Year rolls in.

Life truly is good.