The last 4+ months have been a test in patience and strength that I'm not sure I'm passing. This time five months ago I was independent, working a full-time job, paying my bills with relative ease, and looking forward to my upcoming birthday. Things look quite a bit different at this point in my life.
Don't get me wrong. I am so very grateful to everyone for all of their help. I wouldn't have made it through one single day of this ordeal without a very long list of loving family and friends. I don't know how I will ever repay them all or find a way to express just how grateful I am.
I'm still independent, more so now that I can actually take care of myself. My Dad and my Stepmom did most of the taking care of me for the first three months. I still have a full-time job, but I haven't put in even one hour of work since I had surgery at the beginning of June. I'm receiving short-term disability insurance, but since it amounts to about half of my regular pay financially I'm struggling. So much so that my Mom and Pops had to send me enough money to make my car note this month. As for my birthday, it passed in a pain-induced haze almost as if it was just another day.
Right now I'm overwhelmed, overwrought, overstressed, and overemotional. Not a real good combination for healing. I'm also eating Tylenol like it's Pez because my surgery wound is hurting and I don't want to take a pain pill. It's been a pretty rough weekend and I seem to be about five seconds away from crying all the time these days.
I've been trying to shake the feeling that I need to break down and fall apart so that I can try and put the pieces back together again. I'd like to curl up into a ball and cry until I don't have any tears left but I'm afraid if I start that I'll never stop. There are so many things I need to come to terms with but I don't have the time or the energy to do it.
Okay the drama queen is going to shut up now because I for one am sick to death of hearing me complain. Not really the update that was requested, but the best I could do at the moment. Thanks for reading!
6 comments:
I know it's hard sweetie and I know you are probably tired of hearing it but things will get better and there are prayers coming your way. I love you. btw, LOVE the title ;P
(((((Princess Ladybug)))))
Sometimes just letting yourself cry IS what it takes. I cried once for two days without let up - then the tears were gone. I slept a while, and was able to face life with optimism once again.
Things WILL get better, because you WILL recover, and you WILL go back to work, and you WILL get things back into balance. You seem to be a determined woman; you will make that happen, because you want it to. I have faith in you.
(((((((Princess)))))))
I know that nothing I say will really make a huge difference. I can say that we love you, and we will do whatever we can to help you. You know that.
I am know it is frustrating, and I am sorry it is happening. It will get better though, honest.
Never hold back saying anything you feel you need to say. Maybe a good cry is what you need. Wish I was there to cry with you. Do what you feel you need to do, and then regroup. It will get better, honest. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry that things have been so rough since the surgery, I wish there was something I could do.
I guess all I can do is send you hugs, and hope that you feel better soon. :)
Good gravy woman, I thought you were going to get better!
Get better, that's in order ; )
It's a long road to Tipperary. But I have faith you'll get there. That's where it's beautiful once more.
I love you and truly, truly, understand.
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