Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Random things I have learned recently...

1. Doctors are happiest when thinking up all the tests they can run on you.

2. Shoe shopping can substitute for therapy in a pinch.

3. If an 18-wheeler (13 gears) reaches 60 mph faster than you do (5 gears) then you should probably pull over and catch a bus.

4. When you've reached 86 (my aunt) you can win any argument by reminding the other person who has lived longer.

5. My period doesn't care that I'm a diabetic. She wants what she wants and she wants it NOW dammit!

6. If it's hot enough outside a turtle will cross a blacktop road at a speed not normally attributed to turtles.

7. High gas prices will not keep you at home if your car is only a week old.

8. Toll roads are more fun when you can throw the change into the machine rather than hand it to a person.

9. Being allergic to cats will not keep you from picking up a month old kitten when it mews at you.

10. TV Infomercials are addicting and mesmerizing.

11. If your truck is so big that you have to give your wife/girlfriend a boost up into it then you need a taller woman or a shorter truck.

12. Free cone day at Ben & Jerry's will cause more traffic than a four car pile up.

13. Free cone day at Ben & Jerry's is bad for a diabetic. (Refer to #5)

14. When it's over 90 degrees outside, not even shade is cool.

15. If a prescription costs nearly $100, it suddenly becomes much easier to remember to take it every day.

6 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Doctors are happiest when thinking up all the tests they can run on you."

Because they're thinking, "two more tests and I'll have the Aspen condo paid off!"

"Shoe shopping can substitute for therapy in a pinch."

Unfortunately, doesn't work that way for men.

"If it's hot enough outside a turtle will cross a blacktop road at a speed not normally attributed to turtles."

Absolutely, works that way for humans too. Pain is a great motivator that way.

"Toll roads are more fun when you can throw the change into the machine rather than hand it to a person."

We only have people in Northern California and closest thing we have to those baskets are those big plastic pins for charity that double as centrifuges (sp?) for quarters.

"Being allergic to cats will not keep you from picking up a month old kitten when it mews at you."

Or keep a mature cat from seeking affection only from *you,* despite two of the cat's owners and a dozen other people being in the room.

"TV Infomercials are addicting and mesmerizing."

Sure enough, even when you know the stuff is hella fake.

"If your truck is so big that you have to give your wife/girlfriend a boost up into it then you need a taller woman or a shorter truck."

Methinks this is a Texas-thing.

"Free cone day at Ben & Jerry's will cause more traffic than a four car pile up."

That, and yard/garage sales.

"When it's over 90 degrees outside, not even shade is cool."

Fifty-seven degrees when I went to pick up the kid today. I wouldn't know spring or summer if it bit me in the (hey now!).

"If a prescription costs nearly $100, it suddenly becomes much easier to remember to take it every day."

Which is why we need affordable health-care and less corporate welfare.

Queen B said...

Very well put Princess. Profound!!
Free Ben & Jerry's???? I'm listening.

WendyDarling said...

TV Infomercials are addicting and mesmerizing

Especially "Amazing Discoveries" with Mike Levey. I still think Bill Cosby got his sweaters from that guy. We used to stay up all night watching him!

Squid Vicious said...

Turtles can haul ass if they want to...

I never thought of it that way. And I thought I was a realist. I'm totally going to have to rethink my entire life now. Luckily it is mostly a drug-addled fog so it won't take long...

The Moviequill said...

um, Writeprocrastinator 'Unfortunately, doesn't work that way for men.'...speak for yourself, I have a thing for women's toesies haha

Princess LadyBug said...

Ooooo, Moviequill. You're such a freak. Don't ever change. :P