1. Doctors are happiest when thinking up all the tests they can run on you.
2. Shoe shopping can substitute for therapy in a pinch.
3. If an 18-wheeler (13 gears) reaches 60 mph faster than you do (5 gears) then you should probably pull over and catch a bus.
4. When you've reached 86 (my aunt) you can win any argument by reminding the other person who has lived longer.
5. My period doesn't care that I'm a diabetic. She wants what she wants and she wants it NOW dammit!
6. If it's hot enough outside a turtle will cross a blacktop road at a speed not normally attributed to turtles.
7. High gas prices will not keep you at home if your car is only a week old.
8. Toll roads are more fun when you can throw the change into the machine rather than hand it to a person.
9. Being allergic to cats will not keep you from picking up a month old kitten when it mews at you.
10. TV Infomercials are addicting and mesmerizing.
11. If your truck is so big that you have to give your wife/girlfriend a boost up into it then you need a taller woman or a shorter truck.
12. Free cone day at Ben & Jerry's will cause more traffic than a four car pile up.
13. Free cone day at Ben & Jerry's is bad for a diabetic. (Refer to #5)
14. When it's over 90 degrees outside, not even shade is cool.
15. If a prescription costs nearly $100, it suddenly becomes much easier to remember to take it every day.